Pear Shaped

                  Shaped in Fitzrvoia

Management Structure

Note Pear Shaped is not running at the Fitzroy
at the moment as it is being refurbed so
there is no structure now

Many people look at Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia and see just an empty room but a whole host of people are employed (both openly and behind the scenes) to keep the show on the road. Here is a look at our staff and acts (in order of impotence):

The Management (in order of power)

Brian Damage

Mr Damage


Brian Damage is the Proprietor & CEO of Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia.   Owning the club is a heavy responsibility and a continual burden. This means that he is hardly ever there.   He is often at Pear Shaped in Sydney because that is geographically about as far away as he can get.  Sometimes he is at his Fringe show (Pear Shaped in Edinburgh) rubbing shoulders with the A-list and marketing the gig to them as not a complete waste of time in an empty room. Brian is in charge of booking acts and being generally affable as head compere. The absence of Brian can lead to some awful evenings and the deterioration of the Pear into a very bad club when Mr Miller is left (for want of a better word) in charge.   As CEO Brian has the responsibility of sometimes talking to the landlord of the pub " usually about once every 9 years...   It is Brian's job to make sure there is a handle of some description on the inside of the door.   He enjoys sitting at the table in the corner by the bar where the acts cant get at him and devolving social interaction to other lesser mortals.   Brian is in charge of booking the acts.   A couple of years ago Brian decided to branch out into Cabaret and rediscover Music Hall with his gig Pear Shaped at Turnmills.   This was a huge success with as many as two punters coming to at least one night and resulting in the nightclub being rebuilt as an office block.   Following this Mr Damage moved the gig to Pear Shaped at the Orwell " a pub just outside the tube network but not far enough away to be an out of town gig.   Following this experience Mr Damage has promised that he wont be opening any more clubs with no one at them.   One is enough!





Krysstal forms part of a unique male/female double act with Brian Damage, Comedian, Singer and All Round Grumpy Bastard. Basically she is his PA.   Brian, recognizing her irresistible talents, took Krysstal on as his Glamorous Assistant and is teaching her all about Show Business by not trusting her with any Management responsibilities and keeping her nose pressed so permanently flat against the glass ceiling she is starting to look slightly oriental. Many of you have written in requesting patterns for Krysstal's dresses.

Vicky de Lacy



PA to CEO's PA

As Krysstal is obviously too busy looking after Mr Damage to purchase her own clothes, mention must also be made of Vicky de Lacy who has a full time job in selecting and designing Krysstal's limited and never changing wardrobe.   She has also recently designed clothes for Susan Boyle & Ann Widdecombe.   The pattern for all Krysstal's clothes is available in "Madge and Monty's Handy Hot Hints" 1' 6d from Messer's Waterstones and WH Smith.

Madge & Monty

Madge & Monty


Writers, Inventors & Non-Executive Directors

Madge & Monty are the Oliver Postgates of Pear Shaped and the real people behind the fantastic fantasy comedy characters Brian Damage and Krysstal. Madge spends a lot of time washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning and in the garden too, while Monty potters in his shed and listens to the wireless in order to keep up to date with any topical events that might be important for inclusion in Mr.Damage's set.   We wouldn't want to miss out any reference to topical events such as the bad things that Colonel Nasser is doing in Egypt and whether Mr. Eden should go it alone.   Would you believe that you could rebuild the stage and the lighting of Pear Shaped in your own home using only double sided sticky-tape?

At the moment Madge & Monty are busy trying to sell the Pear Shaped Comedy Club to the Coalition Government as a Public Private Partnership between Government and the open mike circuit.  Unlike many Neds, Madge and Monty have worked in virtually every field: the private sector, academia, local government, voluntary sector and the arts. "There was a strong ethos in our household that you had to put something back into the community," says Monty. "I have never seen a difference between paid and unpaid activity," says Madge.

Anthony Miller

Anthony Miller

Anthony is Managing Director of The Pear " that is Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia (the cash cow of the Pear Shaped Comedy Empire).   It is his job to manage the day to day running of the club.   This involves turning up.   Being there when Mr Damage is otherwise engaged or can't be arsed (often 9 months of the year).   Pissing people off.   Calling people rude words.   Encouraging no-hopers to turn up and fill stage time.   Trying to keep alcoholics sober.   Booking comperes.   Filling the holes left in the crumbling line-ups of people pulling out to get proper gigs and feigning illness.   Supervising the light.   Erecting the curtain.   Diffusing potentially violent confrontations with his considerable personal charm.   And making sure plebeians such as Mike Belgrave don't set the club on fire.   His hobbies include watching television and vituperative public rows with other comedy promoters and Business Investment Districts... and reading transcripts of public inquiries into wars.   He is deputy compere.   Anthony Miller rose to the position of Managing Director on the resignations of Dave Dynamite and Paul Foot (see below) having seen a power vacuum.  It is Mr Miller's job to make the books ballence by various devious methods.  Mr Miller started his career on paper but since someone invented the internet decided paper was silly ... almost as silly as dealing with the whims an caprices of editors and so started taking nonsnse in pubs.  Did we mention you can now buy all his old poetry for 99p?  We recently experimented with...


Crowdfunding is where if you cannot get anyone to watch, finance, turn up at or enjoy your gig, film project, play, concept or one man show then instead of risking your own money or going to visit a bank you put a ...

...button on the internet in the hope that those with more money than sense will simply give you a whole lot of their hard earned in return for practically nothing.  You then relentlessly plug your page on twitter and idiots who think they've not stupid enough to fall for a Spansish Prisoner scam or Ponzi scheme just keep giving you their savings because basically they need someone to slap them.  Anyone clicking on the paypal button above will get a credit on this page in a font size relating to the size of their stupidity according to the table below:

Financier: I'm a bit thick - I gave Pear Shaped a "5 but wouldn't watch the show
Gold Financier: I'm well educated but dont know the value of money so gave 5000 pound
Non Executive Director: I'm nice but very dim and have given a large chunk of my cash ISA 50000 pound to Pear Shaped although I might draw the line at actually buying a ticket and watching it
Not Executive CEO: I have parents who sent me to Eton but I also have some idiotation and gave the Pear 500,000 pound
Club Owner: I have no sense whatsoever and have donated 10000000000 pund or more even though it involved selling my house and club has now closed as a result as Messers Miller and Damage have emigrated to warmer climbs with my nestegg and all my possessions but I console myself that while this is a smaller font my name is all that remains of what was once a reasonable semi-pro open mike night.  My children have been taken into care which is for the best.

Unfortunately although these tactics resulted in a tiny increase in turnover we have not been able to translate that into anyone actually stupid enough to sit through the show to watch new acts die so have now closed down this revenue raising sideline as it sort of wasn't the point.  If only we could really solve the problem of boredom by throwing money at it ... but sadly it doesn't seem to work like that.  I mean suggest that you might want to buy a book of Mr Miller's poetry and someone's probably actually thick enough to do that but ask people to give something for nothing and they can't get enough of it... because of course it involves no thought.

The Staff of Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia

(In order of burnout)

Al Mandolino


Musical Director

It is Al's job to drown out the sound of open spots bitching about the gigs they can't get booked for before the show and during the interval.   His hobbies include building Mandolins and painting houses.   Al is the replacement for El Nino. Unlike El Nino for whom everything was the Theme Tune from Mash Al Mandolino prefers poorly played variety to well practiced monotony.   Following the advice of Noel Coward to "start off with a medley " that way you get rid of several tunes at once" he plays medleys and is very good at starting. Of course he can't play a single tune from beginning to end yet but he has the ambition to and we applaud him in this. As Josie Long would say "Trying is Good" and Mr Al's music has been described by many contemporaries as "extremely trying".   He has been nominated for many awards for his Banjo playing up to and including Grade 1.

Ava Alexis


Head Of Human Resources

Ava Alexis was born on December 24, 1922 in Grabtown, North Carolina. She was the youngest of six children of Mary Elizabeth and Jonas, an impoverished cotton and tobacco farmer. Ava's father lost his farm when she was two, and the family moved to West Norwood where her mother worked in a sawmill.   At age 18 she went to London, where her extraordinary beauty won her a contract as Head of Human Resources at Pear Shaped. It was Ava's job to persuade the punters (or their boyfriends) to actually part with their money and kick those who wont pay their way in life OUT!    She can be seen in three dimensions sometimes at other comedy gigs such as the Chuckle Club or Downstairs at the Kings Head. Sometimes Mr Miller is allowed to carry her shopping if he has been good.   Recently the stress of being head of seating at the Pear has become so heavy that Ms Alexis has taken some time off to visit Barbados and kill termites. 

El Nino & Becky Munday

El Nino


El Nino was appointed Head of playing the theme tune from MASH until he decided to do some gigs with actual punters at them instead. Becky Munday was one of a long line of singers who worked for El Nino until he murdered them and hid their bodies under the floorboards. 

Alan Wilde

Before the employment of Ava Alexis, Alan was Head Caretaker and amusement operative.   It was his job to walk round the corner from a key worker flat in Bonham-Carter House and turn up whenever a funny comedian has let us down - this is more or less every Wednesday.   Many of you may remember Alan from his walk on cameo as a shit comedian in episode 5 of Phoenix Nights.   Sometimes he was allowed to talk at the end of the show as the club was being dismantled.    His expertise in X-ray photography was so widely recognised he was almost made redundant and has now been redeployed in another area of the hospital.   He was not allowed to compere as this would result in too much hilarity.   After Mr Miller's tour of New York he came back to find that Mr Wilde had disowned not only the Pear but the whole of comedy society.   He can still be found propping up the Spanish Bar in Hanway Street.   And can sometimes be seen upstairs in Fitzroy tavern if he's sure Pear Shaped is not on that night... or if he has forgotten that it is a Wednesday today.

John Sharp

John Sharp

is head of props and puns. Thanks to for this photo of him in full mime.  He has now risen to the level of amusement operative previously occupied by Mr Wilde.  And does much logistical work flyering and encouraging punters to come back after the interval.

The Deputy Deputy Comperes of Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia

(In order of persistence)

Jimbo from Oz



You wait for ages for one Jimbo and then another one comes along.   The second Jimbo is from Australia and is so famous there that people from Australia have come to see him at Pear Shaped.   Unfortunately they had confused the second Jimbo with the first and sat through the whole evening until 11pm when one of them sheepishly asked, "Where's Jimbo?".   After it was explained to them that Jimbo was the name of the middle aged man they had been watching shout and cough his way through the acts they gave us a look so much as to say that some kind of deception had been performed.   The Second Jimbo's hobbies include sleeping in doorways and "freaking other comedians out by telling them I'm homeless".   He has now returned to Austalia for a spell...    but may well return.

Ray Presto

Ray Presto

Young Mr Presto rose rapidly from deputy deputy time filler to deputy deputy compere.   A retired magician with a vast array of material ranging from Christmas Cracker gags to astute one liners he had even been known to give the audience five pounds of his own money.   Ray was a regular at the Comedy Store where he used to open the second half of the King Gong Show.   As well as doing the Comedy Store Gong Ray had also done a number of 10-minute spots there.   He once showed us a comedy store program, which billed him as "an open spot".   He often went to Thailand for the culture.    His hobbies included pestering Mr Damage for stage time even though we only have one club and he was already in the diary to compere, headline, open and close the first half and there were no spots he hadn't done here.  Ray Presto's career has gone into a bit of a decline since his death although it was a sufficently important cultural event to be covered by the Guardian, Chorlte, John Fleming... and Harry Deansway of the Fix Empire.  His death has had a large impact on our otherwise successful policy of cutting financial corners by booking the acts that agents are reluctant to invest in because they may fall off their perch any moment.  

Danny Hurst

Danny Hurst


Danny Hurst describes himself as probably the only orthodox Jewish, bisexual, left-handed, vegetarian Manchester City fan on the circuit. A peculiar combination of camp butchness, Danny has worked in just about every field of performance art, including theatre, circus and telesales.

Once a professional stilt-walker and fire eater, he toured with top ten band Dodgy in 1996 and has performed all over the UK, as well as recent tours of Japan and the South of France, Amsterdam and Barcelona. A truly international performer it is Danny's job is to ring Mr Miller at 7.30 saying "my Bike's got a puncture", at 8.00 saying "I've found a pub" at 8.15 saying "the pub have let me have a bowl of water" and at 9.15 saying "I think I've found the puncture but I'm not sure I can fix it in time to get there".   Most of the time, however, he does make it and is most entertaining.   He once rode to Edinburgh Fringe on his bike, which is not advisable. He was last seen compereing at the Chuckle Club before going to Scotland to talk about his previous career as a rent boy...

Past and Occasional Comperes of Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia

(In order of their disappearance)

Paul Foot

Paul Foot

Head of Knowing Better

Paul was the original deputy compere of Pear Shaped but following what is now known as "the Aaron Barshack Hagen Daaz ice cream incident" he resigned to preserve his sanity. It is now his job not to turn up any more and to go on television instead. He does not have a website, he has the Guild of Paul Foot Connoisseurs.

Norby West


Norby West was the original deputy deputy compere under the direction of Mr Paul Foot (then deputy compere).   Norby (nee Richard Elkan) retired six years ago because of declining health, which was probably a sensible move in the long term, as he has since died. Paul Foot said: "I would pop round to his flat, he'd give me a stale biscuit and we would laugh at amusing moments from our comedy careers.'   His obituary is here. If you would like to book Norby we do not have contact details for his agent. However, for a small charge " less than "1 a week each" we can put you in touch with his undertaker

There are two options for payment: "12 every quarter through Pay Pal "48 for a year, by cheque

Kevin Dewsbury



Following the resignation of Mr Foot, Mr Dewsbury filled the immediate vacuum. Wisely surmising that the vacuum existed due to a lack of punters he handed in his resignation almost immediately and can now be seen all over the country in front of actual people.

Dave Dynamite
(nee Brockway)



During Mr Damage's 9-month tour of Australia several years ago Dave Dynamite was Head of the European sub-division with Stephen Carlin as his immediate inferior.    Stephen didn't like being inferior and left to have a career.   As a result Mr Miller rose to the rank of deputy deputy-compere while it was Mr Dynamite's job to be driven to the edge of a nervous breakdown by the responsibilities of running the Pear.   Dave enjoys driving busses but has given up this career in public transport to go full time into the comedy industry.   He recently suffered a career setback when his car was written off by a bus.   He spends his holidays in his bed-sit with the central heating turned up full while trying to save up for a new car.   He recently went on a diet that was so successful he lost 4 jokes.

Paper House

For more paper houses visit

Dave is also incharge of our 1-for-1 ticket deal.  By emailing Dave you can recieve a special code which allows you to buy 1 ticket for the price of 1 ticket...  Instead of 2 tickets for price of 2.  It is our intention one day to allow Dave to paper the house but we aren't very good with remembering numbers.  Maintaining the appropriate ticket price is vitally important for every promoter.  For example Pear Shaped maintains it's ticket price at "5 and most professional gigs between "10-18 regardless of the fact that they then end up giving half those tickets away in endless BOGOF deals in return for "free" online advertising and may as well be selling single tickets at "5 which is simpler, less complicated and more honest...  Understandably however they do not want people to know they have difficulty selling tickets so maintaining a ticket price of "10 allows everyone to maintain the illusion that the club is on a par with the Comedy Store despite the fact that all the seats are empty and actually the club has no turnover.  Just like at the Pear.  Our head of economics Michael Ayers ...

...spends a lot of time figuring out these deals and how they create increased sales and has come to the conclusion that we should stick to a fixed ticket price of "5 with no concessions rather than do 2-for-1 deals which effectively load the economic cost onto single people in favour of couples.  Except for "1 off for students and OAPs.  In contrast to the coalition government's plans to send those who do not have jobs to the back of queue for council houses we also still give "1 off to the unemployed.  Stag parties are welcome but frankly if you want to spend your last night of sexual freedom with Anthony Miller and Brian Damage that's a bit worrying.

Stephen Carlin

Mr Carlin


Stephen Carlin joined Pear Shaped as deputy deputy compere under the direction of Mr Dynamite but has now progressed to being deputy head of Knowing Better. It is his job to say he's not going to turn up... then turn up. He was disgusted by the wiring in the Pear " which he described as "Dickensian" even though in the era of Dickens there was not any electric light.   In 2007 Stephen was runner up in the BBC's new writer competition "Witty and Twisted". He has subsequently written on numerous radio programmes including "The News Quiz"," The Now Show", "Recorded For Training Purposes", "Laura Solon Talking and Not Talking", "Look Away Now" and "Gus Murdoch's Sacred Cows" and has also worked as Stewart Lee's support act.  Stephen still shows up on spec irregularly at the Pear " as long we dont ask him to compere... Stephen has a blog about his tedious life as a professional comedian here.


Jimbo I


After the resignation of Mr Dynamite there was something of a staff shortfall so the first Jimbo was elected head of Publicity.   It was his job to wander around the bar upstairs with a cardboard board on asking people with no idea what they are letting themselves in for to let themselves in.   This was a deeply degrading position and we were callously exploiting Jimbo, but Jimbo had had no real job in 15 years and since the social services have told him he no longer exists and can't claim the dole and he hasn't paid any tax or national insurance since the 1970s he had no choice and it was still show business. Jimbo spent a considerable time in the army and saw inactive service during the Cold War where he reached the rank of Cannon Fodder.   Wisely surmising that Mikhail Gorbachev's Glasnost policy might make soldiers targets once more he embarked on a new career as a pate salesman before marrying and becoming a household husband.   Jimbo has had several acts over the years... and has changed his style from shouting, to jumping out of the Comedy Brewhouse window to coughing to rambling stories to pithy one-liners.    He is widely admired as a true original by people reluctant to book him.    Recently he has retired from the Pear Shaped to concentrate on his new comedy character Tony Bournemouth. He was deputy deputy-deputy-compere.

Mike Belgrave

Mike Belgrave

During Mr Damage's second 6-month tenure at Pear Shaped in Australia Mr Miller poached Mr Belgrave from his position of Managing Director of the Troy Club to be head of Ethnic Minority Representation.   Being half-Irish, half-black and half-stupid it was his job to maintain our Arts Council Grant from the local council by representing as many ethnic and minority groups as possible.   His jobs involved sitting in the corner message texting his bits of fluff, sleeping with the women who are strangely attracted to the frigid Anthony Miller and continually slagging the gig off in an intensely boring and self-pitying internet blog.   So famous did this blog become that it has been removed from the Internet due to the large number of people who have threatened him with physical violence outside the Phoenix. As well as being our Boswell he was deputy deputy-compere.   He wrote of Pear Shaped in Time Out:   "I love doing this gig and they always ask me to perform when they've finished scraping the arse of the septic barrel.   Anthony Miller and my Satan worshipping self co-MC and plough our way through some of the most appalling acts in the capital."   In our defence ...erm ... Pear Shaped used to just book people in the order in which they rang up.   Following Mr Belgrave's nervous breakdown a review of booking policy was undertaken and we now try to encourage people who are funny to come back.   However, we still have a policy of giving everyone and anyone a gig. """""""""eventually.   If you have been wondering about the booking policy of the Pear, it is "Can you ring Brian?" People who can't ring Brian are never booked.   All Telexes, Telegrams, Faxes and carrier pigeons are also ignored.   Mike Belgrave can now be seen all over London and the UK - particularly at The Big Night Out where his "setting up the room skills" have proved invaluable.  Mike Now blogs on on other less controversial subjects such as Doctor Who...


...I'm not sure what happened to the Music Club.  Don't go because it doesn't exist anymore.  Mike's latest project is a graphic novel he sent me as a PDF...

...breaking all the normal rules of narrative stucture.  The pictures are nice but it's a good job it's a graphic novel as the large number of sex jokes may upset a certain demographic.  Also while it is customary for many first novels to be autobiographical the visual similarily between the different characters and Mike Belgrave was more than a little unnerving especially as one of them seemed to be a Jack the Ripper parody.  In short this visual novella makes Viz read like Jane Austen and my poetry seem accessible but you may download it from his website if you have an hour to waste at work...

There's also an interesting blog on his site I found about the mechanics of printing your own magazines.  You should have asked Mike and I would have told you not to - it's too much like hard work.  You can make your initial investment back but the real chore is distribution.  I find print on demand works perfectly for me.  There is absolutely no demand for my poetry and I can now print exactly the number of copies required to meet this demand at no cost to myself of anyone else.

Mike Manera

Mike Manera

Occasionally and in circumstances of dire need the great Mr Mike Manera has lowered himself to compere Pear Shaped. Mr Manera has a love/hate relationship with the Pear (actually it's mostly hate!).   His views differing from   "You really are a **** Miller" to "Alright Miller.   I'll be your bitch this once."   Mr Manera "pisses on Mr Miller from a great height as a comedian, so **** YOU little man" and does not "play his little shithole of a club anymore (apologies to Brian & Krysstal, it's fun when you guys are there)", and does not book Mr Miller for his club because "the last time I saw him be funny was in 1973 (or something). OK, what I am saying is it was a long time ago)".   Mr Manera describes his evenings compering the Pear as an "awful experience.   I don't know how you can put yourself through it" which is in contrast to the public's reaction to Mr Manera's presence at the gig.   We can only conclude that these conflicting emotions are the result of a perfectionist spirit...   However, it should be pointed out that we don't know Mr Manera.   We really don't. He is, as Dickens might put it "deep as Australia . . . .If there was anything deeper, . . . he'd be it".   We've met briefly at a few gigs over the years but we definitely do not know him socially " at all!   As you may have surmised Mr Manera used to run a lot of gigs but these days he has achieved his aim of doing a lot of gigs instead and is consequently much more at peace with himself.    He bequeathed his promotional empire to Phil Klein who handed it over to Dizzy High who handed it over to Mr Manera who handed it to Alex Petty who "erm " still has the Goats Tavern.   Mr Manera is now a full time pro ready to "Megabus anywhere" so please write in if you have any suggesting of places for Mr Manera to go" I believe he also still has a gig in St Albans and for a while he also ran a music gig with Mike Belgrave (see above) but he was last seen at the Comedy Pub where I'm sure the Soho Comedy Comedy Club used to be before it moved to a Casino and a complex game of musical venues was engaged in which I neither want to know about nor would never mention in public.

Andrew O'Neill

Andrew O'Neill

Was head of Youth Representation.   It was his job to provide ass-[sic]-kicking original comedy.   After Mr Belgrave moved on to run the Piccadilly Comedy Club (now a restaurant) with Phil Klein, self-proclaimed anarchist Andrew inherited the Troy Club and Mr Miller would ask him if he would compere Pear Shaped as well some weeks. Unfortunately we are no longer able to afford him due to end of our Youth Training Scheme subsidy. However, Andrew still pops in about once a year and does 10 minutes for the collection of small change.   His hobbies include calling Winston Churchill a rapist and making sweeping and generalizations about politics.   He also enjoys asking policemen for their numbers and prostrating himself on the floor. He can be seen in Saxondale and at proper comedy clubs -   The big mainstream corporate ones where you would usually expect to find an anarchist.   His hobbies included not booking Mike Belgrave for the Troy Club because he was too mainstream. According to Belgravia Police station Anarchism is a political philosophy which considers the state undesirable, unnecessary and harmful, and instead promotes a stateless society, or anarchy. Any information relating to anarchists should be reported to your local police.  People purporting to be anarchists have caused criminal damage this year to business premises, and government buildings in Westminster.  Andrew O'Neill is clearly personally responsible for all the riots between 6 and 10 August 2011 that resulted in the Pear Shaped Comedy Club losing a whole day's trade.  Anarchism has nothing to do with "The Anarchy" which was a bit shit.  Andrew has started coming down again for some reason despite John Sharp shouting "He's on the Radio!  He's on the Radio!  He's on the Radio!"

John Mawer

John Mawer

Following on from Mr Belgrave's resignation Mr Miller asked him to recommend a replacement and John became head of philosophy.   It was his job to keep spirits up with his endless tales of his years in the comedic wilderness and prepare the open spots mentally for the inevitable failure that the gig (and often their careers) would be.   Mr Mawer is an exemplary example of how far you can get in this game if you keep giving up and having career breaks because you're a bit cheesed off.   He is famous for his work with Britain's best Improvisation outfits and is so good at improv that he has never been in The Laughing Cavaliers. He is deputy deputy deputy deputy sub-compere.   His hobbies are painting scenery and doing theatrical luvvie stuff.   His bouncer abilities are second to none.

Sabrina George

Sabrina George

In an attempt to stop compere's committing suicide Mr Miller then invented the rotating compere system which in the early years of Pear Shaped involved Sabrina being shouted at.   When neither Mr Miller nor Mr Damage could be bothered to turn up she was allowed to use The Pear to practice her hour-long shows if she promised to fit an open spot in now and again.   She is another victim of the glass ceiling.    Sabrina now runs a website Apparently " So far, as of Tuesday morning we have 262,000 hits from a zero on 20 August Sabrina would like to know if anyone would like to listen to it on Chortle?   Steve Bennett wont put a link on it or even mention it.   Even though he put the Ed Balls site up with a news feature after 26,000 hits!   Who says comedy is fair?"  Amazing, isn't it ...?  Anyone would think they were in competition. If you like listening to comedians talking about themselves this is the link for you.  Perhaps Sabrina should make a comeback now being an angry feminist is finally "in".

Pam Ford

Pam Ford

For a short while Pam was Head of Commuting. It was Pam's job to come help out in dire emergencies " even though this required stoic commuting.

Yariv Perelmuter


Yariv is Head of Negotiating his Fee

I couldn't find a website but here's a nice YouTube Clip

In the never ending quest to find people desperate enough to compere the Pear Mr Miller next turned to Yariv Perelmuter from Israel who "started as a comedy writer for sketches on television (1998) soon moved to perform Character comedy on TV and stage (1999-2001) did a few shows on channel 2 in Israel that hosts and commissions a lot of comedy related projects".   The one popular show he participated in is the 'Eli Yatzpan show"   where he did a range of characters in many sketches.   Then he did a show called - 'The Kamerite Five'?   For some reason he is also Dave Zonk who used to do a character called Grisha who has emigrated to England and started at the bottom again.... at the Pear.   No one knows quite why but it is something to do with figs.     In a recent publicity drive he invited the couple of Israeli embassy cultural affairs attach" to one of his gigs.  "Either I offended him or he didn't like the attention because a while later I saw that he had walked out."

Roddy Fraser



Although he has compered occasionally Roddy's main position in the hierarchy was as chief opener.   It was Roddy's job to ring up at short notice and ask if he can open the show.   Roddy was famous for his role as compere of the Bath House / Dropping the Soap, his stacks of amazing material, his legendary bonhomie and his love of merrymaking.   Roddy's ambition is to make it big in cam cording.

Roddy's flagship comedy club the Bath House was recently earmarked for demolition in order to make way for Crossrail.  

Bath House RIP

Still as Karl Marx remarked to Frederick Engles when they were writing the communist manifesto in the Bath House bar because his wife had thrown him out the house for getting his maid pregnant and trying to pin the blame on Engles...

Marx & Engles

Interestingly 96 Dean Street has since been occupied by squatters who are spending a lot of time in court argueing that Crossrail due to some cock up do not own the legal freehold for the block.  Which probably didn't work as they seem to have been evicted... still as the the local Business Investment District would say  "it's all progress..."

Anyway fortunately Roddy's gig has now been reborn much better as the Central London Comedy Club
This has closed now ... and Roddy seems to have dematerialised.  I hope he's not dead.  There's too many dead people on this page.

Carrie-Anne Guthrie



Following a shortfall in the number of people stupid enough to compere the Pear during August because everyone in comedy is at the Fringe Mr Miller hired Carrie-Anne to compere because she asked and had jokes. Carrie-Anne is an ex-southern-American Policewoman.   In the USA, unlike in the UK, being a portly is no obstacle to police work since all policepersons are taught the Seth Geko method of self-defence: namely saying to your suspect "I've six little friends here all of whom can all run faster than you can". Although not yet taught formally at Hendon this new kind of policing is now catching on all over London " particularly on the the Tube.   Carrie-Anne talks a lot about rednecks and is a lesbian"like in your dreams boys!

Tiernan Douieb


Tiernan runs a club called Fat Tuesday where he isn't fat (usually on a Tuesday).   He also has a car.  Tiernan has compered the Pear Shaped once. We have asked him back but he's always busy!  Tiernan is often to be found mouthing off about Question Time on the bullies and self publiciit's charter that is twitter.

Gareth Berliner


When he was 13, Gareth Berliner was diagnosed with Crohn's disease; which meant gradually surgeons hacked away at his intestines until today he needs a catheter in his chest to absorb fluids and nutrition.   Mr Miller has booked him to compere once or twice because he had theorised that this might mean he doesn't have to buy him a pint.   Unfortunately things didn't quite work out that way.   Gareth can be seen at lots of proper gigs.

Rick Kiesewetter


Rick Kieswetter's a Japanese man, bought up in the States by a German and an Italian, and now living in England who helps compere now and again as he works literally round the corner... According to Chortle his gags and delivery are efficient and effective.  We agree he is efficient at fulfilling both his fuctions of putting acts on and telling jokes.  彼はここに長い時間が住んで

Rich Heap


Richard Heap is our Professional Editor.  This covers a broad range of topics including the law, the public sector and professional services including planning, valuation, business rates and sustainability and, most importantly of all, knitware.  He also puts acts on.

Lewis Bryan


Lewis started out as an actor appearing in several musical theatre and drama productions, including regular performances for New Peckham Varieties (now Theatre Peckham) before attending a comedy course that we wont plug as it would undermine our political position that the best way to learn stand-up is to bore the public.  Everyone who goes into comedy was just immediately funny and has an identical political outlook - particularly at the Comedy Store in 1979.  None of them came out of the Fringe theatre scene as that would not be a saleable romantic fiction.  Until 2010, Lewis mainly concentrated his time working on his act on the London open mic circuit, and is now regularly performing 20"s all over the UK for a wider range of promoters.  He has had residencies at Laughing Horse Camden (2004 " 2008)  Laughing Horse Soho (2005 " 2006) as well as being a regular Headline act for Laughing Horse (Kingston, Richmond, Camden Soho and Holborn).  He also seems to actually enjoy compereing at Pear Shaped despite the extremely pitiful financial renumeration.  He also booked some gigs... which have now been absorbed into the Laughing Horse Empire ...along with Lewis

Nigel Taylor

Sometimes when Mr Damage has a proper gig or and Mr Miller is away snoozing on the verandas of Barabdos rather than giving his money to middle men at the Fringe Festival the gig is left under the control of the logistical genies that is Nigel Taylor.  Nigel MC's a lot for the Laughing Horse empire and does not have a publicity photo as he has a proper job instead but a remarkable similarity between Nigel and Penfold off Dangermouse has been observed.  Hence the selection of picture.

Henning Wehn



Hackney Empire neue Gesetz des Jahres Henning ist unsere emergency Conferencier und wurde verwendet, um Leitlinien der Europäischen Union, die jeder Comedy-Club muss mindestens eine deutsche enthalten zu erfüllen. Allerdings gab es ein Notfall, das bedeutete, dass er nie wirklich lernte Conferencier obwohl er auftauchen und in einem leeren Raum zu sitzen. Jetzt können wir ihn nicht leisten und das Stück von der Seite ist einfach ein Klagelied über das, was hätte sein können. Er kann im BBC-Fernsehen erklärt, seine Sprache zu sehenEr ist ein großer Bewunderer von A E Miller Gedichtsammlung, die er beschreibt als "Meisterstück", ohne es zu lesen. Dies ist eine Verbesserung über die Überprüfung nicht von der Universität Salzburg, die nicht platformed die Lautstärke, da es verfügbar ist auf Amazon aufweisen.


It is Mowten's job to MC
when he doesn't think he's Jesus
and hasn't been sectioned or isn't needed down the 99 club

Dave Mulholland

Dave Mulholland is sometimes left in charge of the club when Mr Miller wins a holiday to Australia.  He is head of flyering petitions.  Dave's job is two keep an eye on Double Standards and to tell the Palestinians that the Jews aren't very good at being bad to them when he's not at the Soho Comedy Club.  It is also Dave's job to ask if he can double up on a Thursday because he's forgotten that Wednesday was yesterday and to break the glass in his office door and be made to pay for it even if it wasn't his fault. 

أحيانا الجزيرة أطلب منه أن يقول أشياء انه لا يعتقد انه يريد وكان لديه حجة كبيرة معهم.

Rob Deb



Rob's job is to compere once in a blue moon and to know about superheroes. His job is to complain that he has never had a paid gig even though Mr Miller clearly remembers paying him a fiver at least once.

Jim Grant

Jim Grant


Jim is head of being mainstream.

It is Jim's job to come up from Eastbourne when we need someone responsible at the last minute who will make all the nutters look slightly normal in comparison. It is also Jim's job to run gigs in out of the way places.  Jim has a wireless show that is is digital where he talks about the great issues of the day from an extreme liberatian viewpoint which is somewhere towards the fluffy side of UKIP but not Tory ...probably one of those LM Network people trying entryism.  He is not to be confused with Jim Grant the Labour Leader in Swindon.  Even Ed Miliband doesn't know who he is.

Don Biswas

Don Biswas has also MCed on occasion. According to Chortle Don Biswas"s one-liners proved very popular with the crowd, although they are "not at the peak of the genre" yet.

Paul T Eyres

Paul T Eyres has also attempted to compere the Pear with some success and is invariably doing bigger and better things these days.  It is Paul's job to show us that Buddhism is all about the self. As Buddha himself once remarked "He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes."  Paul is now a full time professional and remarked sagely to us at a recent gig that "while normal work is a treadmill being a professional comic is another treadmill".  It is with cheery thoughts such as these that Paul T attempts to move the Naraka of the open spots at Pear Shaped from the 31st plane of existence into the 30th ...if not into Nirvana.

Gautama Buddha

It is Gautama Buddha's job to teach Jean Claude Van Damme how to kick box while doing the splits
and to try and cheer up Paul T Eyres and Phil Zimmerman
Henry Moore

To Artsy whatever
                                              that is...

Following our coverage of the Riesco Fisaco Henry Moore's fan club
wrote in to ask if they could be on the website.  You can vist them here.

Although what they actually do I have no idea.

Memorable acts who have appeared at Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia

(in the order that I remembered them)

Joel Elnaugh

Joel is head character act.    As a RADA graduate it is his job to impersonate someone who is a bit deluded " He used to have a regular spot at the Comedian's Graveyard (now deceased) judging the pick of new talent that had bothered to phone to get a slot.   His comments on Mr Miller are "I've seen him many times and he tends towards the same jokes several times whereas I like to see a bit more variety".   Joel has been variously described as "the future of comedy" Anthony Miller and "A Quality act, he'd be the first person I'd book to close. ...a club down" Dizzy High (retired?).   He was last seen on the televisual talent show "X-Factor" where Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh were of one mind on his potential to be the next big thing and now has a regular spot at theOOclub...

Persephone Lewin

Persephone Lewin


Persephone's current act is a comedy striptease (suitable for children) assisted by Pere. the penguin, who plays a trumpet. It is clean, character comedy where Mme Fifi ends by playing a hosepipe.   'Refreshingly original. I've never seen anything like it.' Brandi Borr, director of Comedy Cabaret.   You may have seen her briefly on the opening credits of the first of the competition heats, which went out on BBC 3, 2003 or you may have read her articles in Practical Boat Owner, Britain's biggest selling yachting magazine. Her first book is to be published this year about her day job, which is matching injury marks on victims of murder with weapons.

Persephone was contacted by ITV1"s Britain"s Got Talent in 2010 and played at the Apollo where she made it through to the third round.  Freddy, her penguin, was then the star of a 2 " minute feature film on ITV2"s Britain"s Got More Talent in a spoof of Murder She Wrote.

So remember if we dont encourage the nutters you wont see them on ITV ...

Piff the Magic Dragon & Tennyson Hanbury

Piff the Magic Dragon & Tennyson Hanbury represent the many magical acts who have played the Pear Shaped (apart from Ray Presto who is already represented) ...although we haven't seen as much of Piff lately as he seems to have had a very good Edinburgh Fringe and gone on telly quite a bit.
Tennyson Hanbury has not yet broken into Television but we did find some footage on youtube.

Ivan Steward


Ivan was the founder of the Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia. That is to say he found the room and promptly decided not to perform there much for the next 9 years having almost immediately found a better room just round the corner at Wheatsheaf on a Saturday which became the Oxford Street Comedy Club.

Stewards career path before stand-up encompassed working as a fireman on the Flying Scotsman, before British Rail brought in diesel trains, and studying at the Central School of Speech and Drama where he auditioned with a tragic Shakespearean speech that provoked such mirth they offered him a place. Steward subsequently played the part of the prison goalkeeper in the film of 'Porridge'.  

Ivan again

Ivan The Comedy Referee

For many years he was the Comedy Referee before restyling himself a Comedy Traffic Warden before restyling himself as himself.    After a career break Mr Steward has recently started turning up at the Pear Shaped again. 

Toby Adams

Toby Adams

Is the current head opener.

It is Toby's job to ring up last minute for a 5 spot because he lives round the corner

Nik Coppin

Mr Coppin

A very chatty act, whose conversational style is quick to build audience rapport, there's absolutely nothing to dislike from such an affable performer as Coppin except that he seems to have Pear Shaped confused with a socializing space instead of getting his arse up on stage.   Sometimes if he refused to perform Alan Wilde would tell his jokes for him.  Nik is one of the few acts to have done Pear Shaped in Fitrovia, Sydney, the Fringe, Turnmills and the Orwell.   I think he regards as as some kind of stamp collection.   He recently developed a show where comedians talk exclusively about their sexual proclivities 

JR Ewing

It is also Nik's job to watch old episodes of Dallas and to be called a racist by Australian DJs for using the word n****** on the wireless.  Prosecutors please note the the n word in the previous sentence was not typed by any of the white staff at the Pear.  Ava Alexis was drafted in specially to complete that particular sentence and her typing was then typed over with *s by a committee of white people under the supervision of the CEO and a delegation from Black Police Association.  It is a known fact that the "N word" only upsets "some white folks" as ...

Reginald D Hunter

...Reginald D Hunter describes them.  Amongst black people it is an accepted term of endearment.  On returning home from a hard day of work in the City of London Mr Miller often remarks to Ms Alexis who is often smoking out the upstairs window... "Yo my M*F* n****** any chance of a nice cup of tea?" and Ms Alexis swoons in his arms touched by his assimilation of racial epithets and does not feel offended or upset by being referred to with a word loaded with hundreds of years of racist hate.  It is well known that if you repeat and contextualise a racial slur you automatically nullify its wounding properties and it becomes a nice word like "fluffy".  Your private life will not become like a Quentin Tarantino film.  No one calls the PoPo, hits anyone, stabs anyone or causes any unpleasantness.  Racial slurs also go down well at the Professional Football Association.  Reginald has played the Pear at least once (about 2002) when he spent quite a long time moaning about how bad reviewers were for insinuating his act may be a tad racist slightly in places as if we cared.  Although Reginald uses the "n word" he uses it sparingly and thoughtfully.  He certainly doesn't put it on any old poster, splash it around town and wonder why London Underground ban his posters and then try to turn it into publicty and then keep repeating and repeating this pattern.  Reginald is from Georgia in the Deep South and first learnt how to sell tickets by saying the "N word" while studying at the Royal Accademy of Dramatic Arts. 

George Bernard Shaw

George Bernard Shaw has donated all the royalties from his play "Pygmalion and White Folks" to enable more ethnic acts to learn the art of getting cheap laughs from racial slurs on stage despite Herbert Beerbohm Tree opining that this is not b***** likely.  I've just realised that I've ****ed out the word bloody but not....  Talk about double standards.

Fatty Arbuckle

It is Fatty's job to be investigated by Operation Yewtree

Alan from the Cabinet Office

Alan from the Cabinet Office is our regular punter - it is his job to sit at the front and not answer questions about what he does because it is jolly top secret.  After a hard day of bowing to David Cameron he likes to cheer himself up by watching idiots who have not been to Eton.  Alan is actually a spook monitering the number of references to the Iraq War and Tony Blair on behalf of the Chilcot Inquiry and CCHQ and regularly commutes between London and other top secret places... we guess.

Lobby Ludd and the Luddites

Play music and also take up a lot of physical space.

Simon Egan

Simon Egan takes up less space and also sings songs - sometimes about Chinese Food.
It's like Robert White but without the autism

The Studhams

Mr Miller actually comes from a very long line of people who went nowhere and sometimes his cousins and distant relatives can be seen in the audience.  This unusual event only happens when we are plugged in the London Evening Standard.  Most of the time no one comes.  Not even people related to Mr Miller or Mr Damage or his glamorous assistant.  It is rumoured that one branch of Mr Miller's family built Chirry Chitty Bang Bang while another person burnt down a workhouse and was transported to Australia, another actually ran a taxidermy shop on Turnmill Street (from whom Mr Miller learnt the art of entertaining some people by making sure others were stuffed) where Pear Shaped at Turnmills was (
I believe Turmills was also famous for its many shootings) and one distant relative is rumoured to have been the worst Mayor of London until Boris Johnson.   There's even someone who claims that Mr Miller is descended from Charlemagne King of the Franks although it's probably bollocks.  Think Blackadder with all the interesting bits deleted - or if you cant imagine that watch Ben Elton's latest sitcom.  Or watch some old Terry and June.  I blame, the internet and the Universal Credit blurring the line between working and being on the dole.

Dave Ward



Dave is Head of unexpected visitations.  He doesn't materialise as much these days as he seems to always be compereing the Comedy Cafe on Wednesdays.  He is not to be confused with the CWU deputy general secretary.   The owner of the Comedy Cafe Mr Faulkner came to Pear Shaped at Turnmills once on the bad advice of John Fleming and endured what can only be described as a truly awful evening which probably reminded him why he runs a proper venue with an actual budget.

Paulo Ferrari


is head of surrealism?

Andrew Wallace

Hello Kittens!


is head of Kittens

Robert White

Robert is head of asking us not to tell anyone he's actually funny. If you are the kind of punter who complains because he was listed then found a better paid gig that night.  We are not sure if we are important enough to be allowed to keep his picture on this page but here it is anyway...

Bobby Carroll

Bobby is known for his humour.  From a rather difficult start (some of Bobby's very early routines were noted for ending in far too much audience participation) Bobby has risen to be able to tackle some quite dark subject matters without being tackled by punters.  He has a blog where he interviews other comics and stuff here.... it also contains a review of McDonald's Liverpool St Station.  Mr Carroll now has his own promoting empire called ComedyKnights.... which are well attended by people and if people dont come by cats...

Henry Ginsberg



Our Head of Romance and being rung up at the last minute

Norman Cho



You get rid of one annoyingly honest biographer and another one soon turns up.  It was Norman's job to record details on his blog of exploits which would be better kept silent.  Norman has now retired his blog discovering that "people with mental health issues behave in a bonkers fashion.  This really did surprise me " I have encountered more mentally ill people in stand-up comedy than I have in my career in criminal law. I was talking to another comic about the comedy scene and she observed that no matter how mild mannered a comic was, there would be someone in the comedy circuit that would hate his or her guts". 

Jason Simmons

Jason is yet another act who increases our chances of selling tickets by describing both his lack of skill and our lacks of an audience on tumblr.  Jason's "Road to Stand Up" blog seems to have come to a rather abrupt end in January 2012 - probably about the time he realised that other people have previously done the same thing better... but according to his twitter feed he is still gigging and was last seen on stage as recently as the 22nd of April 2013

Ivor Dembina


Pops down occasionally to remind us to stop running ourselves down and gain more self esteem.
Ivor can be seen almost every week at the Hampstead Comedy Club פארלייקענען אַ פּלאַטפאָרמע צו אנדערע אידישע קאַמידיאַנז וואס שטיצן די אידישע לאַנדיש פאַנד: אַזאַ ווי סאָל בערנסטין און בעננעטט אַרראָן

Darren Maskell

When not sharing his surreal observations on life with us Darren Maskell can also be seen at Croydon Tescos and writes a blog.  As the man himself would say "Cod was half price last week. The sales target was "4,700. Totally smashed it at around "5,700. Boo  yeah!"
Darren recently entered a competition to have a statue made of him but lost.
Convieniently for local politicians he did not win coming 4th - the results were

Samuel Coleridge Taylor


Ronnie Corbett


Peggy Ashcroft


Darren Maskell


Dave Prowse


John Whitgift


David Lean


Cicely Mary Barker


Captain Sensible (Raymond Burns)


Tasha Danvers


Malcolm Muggeridge


Bernard Weatherill


Charles Burgess Fry


Kirsty MacColl


Jim Bush


One person in the top 3 requested a statue not be made of them so

Peggy Ashcroft

was promoted - which just goes to show that even if you lose a theatre
you may gain a bit of steel by a park bench

Tony Bournemouth


Probably the finest comedian in Bournemouth.

Paul Ricketts & Verity Welsh

Up the Arts

wander in sometimes and help fill in the last five minutes

Pete Peterson & Pooh

                                          Peterson & Pooh

are our overseas acts.

They make frequent visits to our shores from the US but are currently involved in a one man and his bear campaign toBeat the Butch.  If anyone would like a Beat the Butch tee-shirt or bumper sticker so sticky it can never be removed even with industrial solvent we have hundreds ...just ask.

Steve Aruni and Henry the Hoover

                                          & Henry


Steve and Henry Are head of animatronics.
As seen on London Underground

Nick Revell



Nick is head of dropping by the Pear whenever he's spent several years writing for radio and television and feels a bit rusty. Unfortunately he's not rusty at the moment so we can't afford him right now.

Brian Gittins



Brian owns a roadside caf" down by Pyecombe. Brian has been told by loads of his customers that he's 'quite funny'. So in September 2005 he decided to get onstage and try and make people laugh. He was head of turning up at the Turnmills/Orwell. You can see him supporting Ricky Gervais and on Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and on Derek.

Angus Lindsay

Angus Lindsay


Angus trained as an actor at The Central School of Speech and Drama.  He is quite posh and can now be seen doing the sort of worthy things posh people do like working for Amnesty International where he does silly things like stand infront of embassies with placards to raise awareness about people like Troy Davies ....

Troy Davies

...and other people on "incorrectly" on death row ....or raise money for ...



Popular comedian Zarganar is serving a 35-year prison sentence for leading a movement that collected money and supplies for the survivors of Cyclone Nargis, which hit Burma (Myanmar) on 2-3 May 2008.

Zarganar (aged 49) was arrested on 4 June 2008, after he criticised the government's handling of the cyclone relief situation in interviews with foreign journalists. Zarganar, who joined the 1988 uprising against military rule, has been arrested before for his pro-democracy efforts.  Actually I think he was released recently ...sort of.

Father Christmas


This is Father Christmas " not Angus dressed up as Father Christmas.  The earliest English examples of the personification of Christmas are apparently those in carols of the 15th century.  Father Christmas is also known as Santa Claus.  During the Great Father Christmas schism when he became Santa in the United States and Father Christmas in the UK there were for a while two Father Christmases at the same time.  Following the Ecumenical Council of Lapland held at the North Pole it was decided to merge Father Christmas back with Santa Claus as belief in them both had been in decline.  This, the most important council on the subject of Santa with more Elvenfolk than any other council ever before, decided that Santa needed to significantly modernize himself by dressing in Red instead of Green and decided that he is both Saint Nicholas of Myra and Odin and no one rolled into one to keep everybody happy.  Father Christmas has recently been persecuted in parts of Austria for not being "Christian" enough and has also been persecuted in Minnesota for being too "Christian" ...but driven by a cult of martyrdom new Elves have been trained up in a special seminary in Douai and dispatched to make and deliver toys in secret.  We do also book people who are not Angus such as...

Matt Price



Very funny ex-boxer Matt Price is head of storytelling and has gigged all over the UK including Broadmoor
He's with Mirth Control so will probably be taking over the venue any day soon
And he has a fun BLOG here

The Invisible Man

The Invisible Man started out at Pear Shaped as an open spot.  We booked him relentlessly despite claims that we should not because he was not funny and not sane.   But we judged that this statement was actually only half true and booked him anyway.  Eventually everyone else realised that this statement was half true too and the Invisible Man now gets lots of paid work about which he boasts shamelessly and yet still materialises regularly at the Pear Shaped in search of stage time and a doorsplit.  However, he does not want to be listed or mentioned in any publicity as he is afraid that if people see him at the Pear they will think he must be shit.  Neither is he famous enough that we can bill him as an "ACT WHO CANNOT BE NAMED" without dissapointing the general public who haven't really heard of him.  So as a compromise he said he would gig at the Pear only after he had drank a potion that would make him invisible. 

His limbs became glassy, the bones and arteries faded, vanished, and the little white nerves went last. He gritted his teeth. At last only the dead tips of the fingernails remained, pallid and white, and the brown stain of some acid upon his fingers.  He went and stared at nothing in my shaving-glass, at nothing save where an attenuated pigment still remained behind the retina of his eyes, fainter than mist. He had to hang on to the table and press his forehead against the glass.  It was only by a frantic effort of will that he dragged himself back to the apparatus and completed the process.  Now no one can see him and think of him as a rubbish ever again. So ends the story of the strange experiments of the Invisible Man. And if you would learn more of him you must go to a little inn called the Fitzroy Tavern and talk to the landlord.

To be fair when acts are on but not billed at a club it is generally to avoid a huge rush of ticket sales and nothing to do with said acts having such huge egos that they cannot bear to share the stage with open spots or devious agents trying the kind of market manipulation that if you did it with shares would get you banged up for painting the tape.

Carolyn J. Faseler

Carolyn is head of painting this website.  You know you have a successful website and brand when it is copied on canvas and exhibited in the USA's premier art galleries and sold to stupid rich people for disproportionate sums of money. 
She tries to make her paintings look effortless by copying the subject matter from our website and working the painting over and over"sometimes as many as 20 times and by copying our logos.  Something we would take her to court for if only we could bothered, had ever trademarked anything and if Brian Damage's trademarks weren't anyway an intentitional homage/rip off/satire of Ren" Fran"ois Ghislain Magritte's "The Son of Man"... which kind of automatically deletes all our moral authority in this sphere.

Deputy Heads of Turning up at the Orwell/Turnmills included

& many others too numerous to thank like
James Sherwood, Caroline Mabey
and the rather right wing punter who was
John Fleming

Other Memorable Character Acts about the London Circuit

(in other words other promoters we would like a gig off and/or to pass the large number of gig requests from new acts on to or to shamelessly suck up to)

Peter Buckley-Hill


Peter Buckley-Hill is head of creating interesting political dilemmas from otherwise innocuous social situations. He is a man who stands up for himself and cannot be sat on who co-created the "PBH/Laughing Horse Free Fringe" which was triumphant in a slightly acrimonious way a bit like the "SDP/Liberal Alliance".   He was their David Owen.   He now runs the "Free Fringe" alone.   His hobbies include sitting in the front row at the front of poorly attended open mike nights and being insulted beyond belief when any compere or act deigns to break the 4th wall and communicate with him from the stage.  Peter does not book any normal clubs in London but please dont let that stop you sending him an email.

Alex Petty


Is one of the few other London promoters other than ourselves is who isn't ashamed to admit they still book open spots unseen and runs the Laughing Horse Empire and the Free Festival. He also runs a very successful new act competition with a "1000 prize.

We have thought of doing this but been put off by the fact we have a prize fund of some small change in Barbados Dollars and a 1,000 lira note.

Phil Klein

Phil Klein

Was for many years our Chief Competitor
However he has now retired to spend more time with his personality

James D'Chapeau as Jim Woroniecki

Jim W

James D'Chapeau first played the Pear Shaped as himself.   However, after many years of having moved on from Pear Shaped he turned up one week in character as "comedy promoter Mr Woroniecki" professing to have forgotten gig existed and to be looking for rooms to put a "poetry gig" on in. When Mr Miller pointed out that he wasn't that keen on the idea because of the fact that he was a full time professional comedy promoter and he feared waking up to find himself without a club, Mr Woroniecki confessed some sadness that Mr Miller had such a bleak view of human nature which amused us all intensely.   Sadly there is as yet still no poetry evening at the Fitzroy Tavern but we will keep you posted. Mr Woroniecki currently runs a few small 99 CLUB nights at slightly larger rooms like "Storm".

Martin Besserman

Martin Besserman

It is Martin's Job to listen to reasoned arguement ...

Monkey Business

... in the words of Socrates: His awareness of his ignorance made him wiser than those who, though ignorant, still claimed knowledge. He is also brave enough to put on new acts unseen so bother him for a gig and reduce the backlog at the Pear.

Harry Denford & Gordon Ramsay

Harry & Gordon


With the increasing professionalisation of the comedy circuit there's an endless number of people offering comedy courses - no one does anything as stupid any more as just starting their own club for no good reason or making an arse of themselves and learning on the job ...or lying to promoters.  Harry Denford runs quite a reputable one at Up the Creek.  When you have completed this you can then go and gig at Gordon Ramsay's financially stable pub chain if you bring two punters with you for the chance to win a paid spot at a showcase night.  According to the catechism of the CRAPP this is a move towards exploitation rather than the simply financial genius of getting the public to pay to see comedy course graduates in order to offset this revenue against the cost of training them in order to lower the course price but we seemed unable to convince Harry of this.  Of course you could just start your own club or blag yourself an open spot at one of about 40 open mike nights in central London that dont expect job interviewees to pay upfront in the form of manual promoting labour but one only has to look at the Pear Shaped comedy club to see the paucity of an experience that might result and also there would be no important industry people there - progress on the comedy circuit is entirely down to mixing with the right kind of people and no one ever got anywhre who wasn't prepared to do otherwise.  Anyway, in comparison to the sure financial model that is UTC,...  Pear Shaped is obviously just a joke so dont listen to anything we say.  We are after all both serious commercial competitors and NOT serious commercial competitors.  Harry is very worried about our lack of Employers Liability Insurance even though it is the opinion of the CAB that open mike gigs, doorsplit gigs and even Pear Shaped dont actually need any.  On the plus side we think Harry is actually quite a funny act so if anyone can teach you to be funny ...erm ... maybe it's him.

Malcolm Hardee

The late Malcolm Hardee was the founder of Up the Creek.  He can still be seen in a variety of bit parts in the Comic Strip Presents ... and is also to be seen  in the first series of Blackadder.  His hobbies included boats, taking all his clothes off, urinating on sleeping punters, drinking, stealing and starting comedy clubs becasue he got drunk and talked a landlord into it.  A book could be written about Malcolm Hardee's life ... and indeed has been by John Flemming.  Instead of treating open spots with contempt by forcing them to bring mates to bringer shows, Malcolm opted for the much more humane and emotionally honest strategy of encouraging his audiences to heckle the "shit ones" off stage.  Despite or perhaps because of this Malcolm is fondly remembered by many people who would like to have behaved as badly as him ...if it didn't unfortunately entail dying so young.  For some time the Pear Shaped comedy empire booked the Wibbly Wobbly boat for Mr Hardee.  When Mr Damage gave up and passed the bookings back to Mr Hardee ...erm .......... Mr Miller would ring him up and ask to do a spot to test some stuff out and Malcolm would say "Erm ... well, I'm quite booked up.  Hold on I'll get the book".  Five minutes would pass.  "Ah, yes," would come the eventual reply, "I may have a spot this week."  Mr Miler would say "I'm sorry, Malcolm I've got a gig this monday - I could do next week?" and Mr Hardee would say "Oh dear, well, I'll have to consult the diary again and see when the next available open spot is available.  It may not be for some time."  Five minutes would pass.  Then Malcolm would say "Oh ...I thought it might be next month but I have just noticed that there is an open spot available next week after all".  The moral of Malcolm's life is lean to swim.

Robin Banks

An even older fossil on the Comedy Circuit but undead promoter is South London's Robin Banks who also MCs all his own gigs, actually still does the odd gig and respresents the odd act.  Sometimes he picks a really excellent act to represent like Russell Kane who is then immediately taken up by Avalon meaning Robin Banks has to find yet another act to respresent.  In the old days Robin Banks (nee PJ) was regarded as something of a disreputable charecter until all the pay to play and bringer promoters were born to make us realise that actually in comparison he is the soul of honesty.  He is actually quite a nice person... really.  He's the one on the right ... at his own 60th birthday party ... I think Tomi Walamies is also in the photo somewhere ...

Jay Rechsteiner

Jay Rechsteiner

Jay Rechsteiner is promoter of the Comedy Bin Empire in Camden.  He is also some kind of artist.  All his gigs (or almost all) are free entry open mikes.  At the last count he had 7 of them.  At this point he decided he needed to totally revise his booking policy.  Acts playing three out of the six venues now have to bring between one and two people along, as well as invite 10 Facebook friends. Although when I pointed out to Mr Rechsteiner that the although he insisted the email he sent me only related to one venue when the rules were clearly applied to three he suggested that this was his mistake and actually it was just one despite the fact that he had published his policy for all to read on another website.  Apparently he just wrote down this rule and then "a few days later I changed it to "are strongly requested"".   This is slightly strange since he also insists that at least two of his MCs and himself are "strongly opposed" to this rule but presumably it is the sort of political accomodation of the kind whereby Liberal Democrats are allowed to believe in the abolition of Tuition Fees while being part of a government that votes for an increase in them.  We are still waiting for ballot papers to be democratically distributed to the Comedy Bin workforce.  Acts are also expected to stay to the end unless they live outside London and are encouraged to flyer for free (this is not essential).  According to Jay the Comedy Bin is a collaborative and democratic project which is as strong (or weak) as the people who are involved in it.  Apparently Mr Rechsteiner does not like his conversations with Mr Miller as they "rob me of my energy. They are so negative and full of resentment and hatred and... Ah, what can I say?"  So we have stopped talking to Jay as we would not wish to tire him out.  Mr R now invites us to exhibitions of guns and asks us to sign petitions against the persecution of homosexuals.

Geoff Whiting & Strange Arrangement

Geoff Whiting

Mr Whiting is booker of the Mirth Control Empire who's "diary room" is an excellent resource Mr Miller uses almost every time a headliner and/or ten open spots cancel at 4.30 on a Tuesday leaving him with 2 sold tickets and no acts (this happens about 52 wednesdays a year).  Mr Whiting is at the moment on a quest to rescue his music career.  In the 1980s he was lead singer, songwriter and bass player of 80's New Romantic band... Strange Arrangement...who peaked with a track on a hit compilation album that reached number 7 in the charts in 1982 (alongside Duran Duran, Simple Minds and Billy Idol), and a track on another one that reached top 20 in the same year.  They also enjoyed being photographed not looking directly into the lense before dispanding to stare into space separately but have now reformed to stare away from the lense together again and you can support them by becoming their Facebook friends here ...  In the back and white photograph Mr Whiting is the one not looking at the camera.

Yianni Agisilaou, Taylor Glenn and Liam Mullone

Yianni Agisilaou, Taylor Glenn and Liam Mullone and the mysterious Holly Dillon are heads of approaching the venue behind our backs two years in a row to run "secret" previews until such a point as the secret could not be concealed because they'd managed to put on more nights a week than we were........   After it had reached the point of no concealment they then expected us to buy that they didn't know the club was here and so cannot be held responsible.  I'm still not sure myself despite having sent for Poirot.  If you too would like to cash in on the Pear in order to put on a preview in our venue thereby seriously damaging the turnover from which the other acts are paid then it may help if you dont also happen to have an agent who also books over 150 other live venues as this can result in many hilarious "misunderstandings".  After a 13 way discussion with Mr Whiting and his acts (Yianni Agisilaou and Taylor Glenn) ... we have been assured that this will not be happening again as it was too hideously embarrassing for everyone involved ...after all if you're trying to build an international reputation it will probably not be enhanced by association with London's 2nd Worst Comedy ClubI'm not sure how Liam Mullone got involved in this mess as he was too shy to explain but then he is a Tory boy (sorry, I mean "libertarian") so what do you expectSeriously please can you all sod off.  Seriously seriously it has all been settled amicably now and we can all laugh about it.  Still fair play to Geoff and Mirth Control they still book us despite this paragraph being rude about them.  Probably they're too busy running real clubs to read it.  Then again maybe they've got bigger problems... if you ask me the mistake they made in the first place was filtering the acts on whether or not they were funny.  As we don't do this at the Pear the issue of are women funnier than men never arises because no one at Pear Shaped is funny. 

This lady has never played Pear Shaped
but is dead so probably wont sue
and there are no personality rights
in the UK anyway


Still it's not a problem unique to MC.  Perhaps being bumped off the   Acccording to some bird called Helen Keeler "Another promoter said he wouldn't book two female acts on a bill, justifying this by saying he also wouldn't book two black acts, two gay acts or two musical acts on the same bill, clearly believing gender, skin colour, sexuality and funny songs to all be styles of comedy."  Unfortunately she only got 40 retweets because a woman being bumped off a bill isn't news if it happens twice.  Again I reiterate the problem is these promoters are risking money.  And then deciding that that's too risky.  What they should do is what we do and start from a position of risking no money at all.  Or better still book the acts, offer to pay them large sums then email them the night before saying they're very very sorry but there have been no advanced online ticket sales so the gig is pulled.  People after all never turn up on spec without having purchased a ticket well in advance.  There will be more on the female sex later on the page... but obviously we have to spread them about a bit ... we can't have them all in the top half of the page.

Huntingdon and Hutt

Represent other male female double acts and sketch groups.

David Jesudason

Is head of asking us for preview slots even though he has his own venue which he claims is defunct even though it has its own twitter feed and website and already knows the answer (It's no, in case you are also asking).  Mr Jesudason claims the club is "defunct" and he has simply forgotten the login he needs in order to delete his site - so dont go there?  Still at least he asked.

Lynn Parker

It is Lynn's job to charge women "15 for an open spot in the her Funny Monied Women award.  If you are wondering why there aren't more women on this site it is probably because they are  bitchy and irrational and only interested in talking about periods and gossip and it is the fact that we are not charging them "15 a spot that has lead us to this conclusion.   With her background in marketing Lynn is always able to find celebrities and potentates to hang out with her who still haven't twigged that she's turned what used to be a well respected brand into a seedy pay to play scheme.  So You Think You"re Funny, the BBC New Comedy Awards, the Chortle Student Comedy Award, nor any major awards run by clubs, charge entrants to take part. and neither does

Some women who have recently played (and in some cases even been paid) at the Pear include (picked randomly from the listings) Saskia Preston, Katie Field, Natalie Proudlock, Miranda Kane, Sahar Mirhadi, Sajeela Kershi, Jennifer Carnovale, Annabel Heaney, Sheila M, Claire Temple, Katie Bridget O'Brien, Sonia Aste, Karina Brisby, Margaret Wudward, Becky Fury, Dr Josephine Ettrick Hogg and many others....

... however very few women are pictorially represented on this page as women (though keen  to play the Pear) are seldom idiotic enough to want to MC it ...  prefering instead to headline or something ...  Pope Gelasius in his ninth letter (chap. 26) to the bishops of Lucania condemned the evil practice of letting women MC at Pear Shaped - a practice which had been spread by Sabrina George, Pam Ford, Carrie-Anee Guthrie and Vicky de Lacy.  We refer women also to Etsi Pastoralis, Liturgicae instaurationes and  Inaestimabile donum and Funny Women.  Also please bear in mind that this page has been here so long that when we say the word "recently" we may be using it in the Inkey Jones sense of the word.

Sunna Jarman

I forgot Sunna Jarman also turns up all the time... well, a lot of the time - I dont know why we haven't invited her.  Becky Fury turns up univited a lot of the time too.... but if I dont let them turn up sometimes they attempt to mug me at Victoria station or other gigs.  This is really why we have two senior managers as telling everyone to **** off all the time is a bit waring for one person.  Maybe some of these people should get a life - or a better agent.  We would tell more of them to get lost but the sexist jokes dont work unless you have a few women in to aim them at and when Brian stops overbooking then we'll have a week no one turns up at all.  Probably you're supposed to do things like confirm the headliners but that's a bit anal and anyway we're all too busy discussing football and talking about our sports cars ...okay we're not but neither are we ... Sunna stopped bothering us for stage time recently and an inquiry was launched to discover whether Pear Shaped had become a victim of lad culture.  It turns out now however she has actually just died in real life.  That's the problem with promoting if you book enough people statistically a small proportion of them die.  One advantage of being a woman is that in the UK there are 58 deaths per 1,000 among women were before the age of 60, while for men the figure stood at 93. Although to be fair it hasn't worked out for Sunna.  I believe Steve Anderson also died a while back.  And Brandi Borr.  Still if we keep writing this page forever eventually everybody on it will be dead including me.  In fact by the time the club closes we're aiming to have stolen the market from find a grave.  Fortunately the service provider will probably reclaim their domain at that point.  If you're also depressed by everybody round you falling off their perch too early you can cheer yourself up by watching this video... or giving some money to charity.  One of the advantages of Just Giving is that acts who when they were alive kept protesting they didn't want the money now don't have any choice in the matter anymore.  Anyway, I thought this page was laking token women so here is another...

Harriet Bowden

Harriet is head of turning up when John Gordillo wants to plug one of his comedy courses and distributing flyers that look much better than ours.  We're not sure that this entirely fits with our corporate image as a couple of pub bores who were thrown out of school at 16 but we cant be bothered to make an issue of it.  Everyone else just does the club so they can stuff the mantlepiece with a whole load of pum and propaganda anyway.  At least they didn't impersonally post me 1000 flyers like the BBC.  Unfortunately the BBC have forgotten how close their letterbox is so I was able to post the other 950 back individually without a stamp.  No doubt Ivor Dembina and Kate Smuthwaite and Becky Fury and Dangerous T and Inkey Jones and Joel Elnuagh and every other mid range act will also now be plugging their comedy course at the Pear as the market for teaching comedy is now almost as crowded as for not performing it.  Still, they could do something really stupid like run a club that actually creates stage time for new acts or something.  That's unrewarding.  Not that I'm bitter.  John Gordillo did the club once but I'm not going to put his picture here incase the ASA sue me for misleading you like they did to

Inkey Jones

Inkey Jones is head of veracity
Inkey once ran a club called C***s on a Monday
It was on a Tuesday

Pete Jonas

Pete hasn't done the club in a while but he is head of lifesize vaginas and trading standards

Robin Ince



We don't see much of Robin any more but for a while in the mid '00s when he didn't have an agent and kept bumping into Mr Miller at the Chuckle Club and being talked into something he knew he really didn't want to be doing. Robin was head of quadrupling up until Mr Miller sent him an email suggesting that although technically it was possible for both us and him to fit us in between a Fringe preview show and a BBC recording it might be better for his own career to perhaps put Pear Shaped on the back burner for a while and concentrate on keeping the BBC happy. Fortunately he now has an agent to protect him from himself. We're not entirely sure why an atheist should want a publicity shot that makes them look like Saint Sebastian but it's quite kinky I suppose.  Robin now runs gigs to celebrate the birthdays of prominant scientists.  Mr Miller is still waiting for his tribute gig.

Popes John Paul II, Benedict XVI and Francis I

Mr Ince like many modern alternative comedians does not like the Pope Benedict XVI and was so angry about his visit to the UK as a Head of State that he actually wrote a letter to the Guardian.  This alone caused Pope Benedict to resign - to be replaced by Pope Francis.  Pope Francis I's election by exhaustive ballot created a great strain on many of our new acts who immediately lost a whole load of materail about Benedict XVI.  But fear not an effort is being made to replace these racist Hitler youth jokes with stuff about the Argies and/or the Belgrano.  Pope Francis is much better at comedy and we are hoping to book him some time in the future.  Unfortunately Pope Benedict could not fit Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia into his very busy gigging schedule when he visited the UK (even by doubling up) but Mr Miller did once have an unintended private audience with the late Pope John Paul II when he was wandering round the wrong part of the Vatican at the wrong time and the plain clothes branch of the Swiss Guard locked the doors behind him preventing any escape.  If you are wondering how it is John Paul II met more people than anyone else on the planet the answer is simple - kidnap.  Kidnap is a good way to get an audience and is now offical Pear Shaped policy. We would also like to encorage people to book tickets online so if they walk out we can follow them home and continue the gig at their house now we have the address.  In the spirit of John Paul II's apology for 2000 years of  years of violence, persecution and blunders and Pope Benedict XVI's appology for the child abuse scandal, Pear Shaped would like to applogise for booking some really awful acts over the years particularly in the early days of our now abandoned policy of booking every single open spot unseen in the order they rang up.  Yes, we acknowledge the shame and humiliation which may acts have suffered because of these very bad past booking policies but we would point out that in the era before email booking acts was very time consuming.

Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig is head of strong political convictionsLabour's Patrick Hall MP met with the popular children"s TV character Peppa Pig and TV presenter Melinda Messenger on 12 February 2010 to celebrate the launch of a new campaign in support of Sure Start Children"s Centres.  Peppa then suddely refused to be photographed with Yvette Cooper, Peter Mandelson or  Tessa Jowell during the 2010 election campaign - pulling her gig at short notice.  Peppa represents the political centre of Pear Shaped and is here to remind us to follow Al Murray's advice not to have opinions completely literally. Peppa was most recently photographed next to Gavin Barwell MP at the New Addington Street party having seemingly gone over to the Conservatives.  Comedy's role is to lampoon politics not to champion it.  We certainly wouldn't ever be seen gigging for Stand Up For Labour - even if they asked us really nicely and it meant we could get a paid gig and photographed with ...

Ken Livingstone

We just wouldn't sell our souls that cheap -  instead we'd keep the cash ISA full with the proceeds of our various corporate endeavours.  We are very popular down ICI, Barclays and the CBI and wouldn't want to put these vital potential revenue streams at risk by whoring ourselves out to political parties.

Bishop Nick Baines

Former bishop of Croydon Nick Baines spends a lot of time attempting to make the Church Of England as popular as Pope Benedict XVI by blogging.   You can read his Godbothering Website here. Or you can read a LetsNotBotherGod Website here.  Or you can just go down the Soho Comedy Club He has now moved on to greener pastures and further up the greasy pole of the CofE towards a seat in the HofL... As one of Croydon's foremost self-publicists it was his job to sign the Petition against the Westminster Council flyering ban because Gavin Barwell MP is too much of a pussy with ...

Andrew Pelling

Andrew Pelling's job is to schism the Conservative Party with hilarious consequences... and to be photographed at the Labour Party Conference or even with Communists.  Andrew has now joined the Labour Party and blogs regularly for Inside Croydon.  He is now standing as a council candidate for the Croydon seat of Waddon...  See above the political evolution of Andrew Pelling: Conservative, Independent, Labour (sorry we couldn't get a Communist still).  It is Andrew's job to keep us in mind of Libel and Slander.

Abi Wilkinson, Nathaniel Tapley, Chris Coltrane,
Daniel O'Reilly, Brendan O'Neill and Lee Kern

It is the job of these people to give a shit about freedom of speech and feminism.  It is Daniel O'Reilly's job to have a rather unpleasant act that starts a moral panic the centre of which is a taboo issue (rape/lads) and to be the most likely target for a moral panic being someone deemed socially inferior, culturally different and personally unknown who is a challenge to the normal social order.  It is Lee Kern's job to be a moral entrepreneur trying to hold society to better standards.  It is the NUS's job to be a rule creator.  It is UsVsTh3m 's job to be a rule enforcer and have a name that sounds like a grass roots organisation but is actually an offshoot of Mirror newspapers who have decided they need to do more on the internet rather than make everyone redundant meaning they are now trying to share the same platform as Daniel O'Reilly and Katie Hopkins which is awkward as there is a slight conflict between their styles of comedy.  It is Abi Wilikinson's job to go muckracking ...going over Daniel's past with a fine tooth comb to find any evidence that support's Mr Kern's hypothesis that there is no difference between Daniel and his comedy persona Dapper Laughs - using age old journalistic techniques such as character assisnation and hunting witches.  The fact that the witches happen to be witches is neither here nor there.  It is Brendan O'Neill's job to point out that this may conflict with Enlightenment values about free expression and to suggest that perhaps no platform is actually a form of soft censorship.  While it is Lee Kern's job to protest in the teeth of all the evidence that there are absolutely no even slight freedom of speech issues at all and that anyone who says so is a simpleton using this as a mask for their misogyny - which is completely unfair becuase there may be some truth in it somewhere.  It is Daniel's fans' job is to protect him from criticism by threatening to rape Abi Wilikison just for running a hate campaign based on character assasination.  While it is Mr Miller's job to smoke large cigars and say sagely that he condemns all of this behaviour.  Unequivocally.  We believe that as Abi says no matter how many awful things a person has done or said: it doesn’t make them a legitimate target of hate speech.  Hate speech is of course defined entirely as using nasty words and making direct threats.  These tactics we would never use because Brian and I are middle class - not working class like that Lee Kern oik who thinks it's funny to make people believe they've been cloned just because they are mid-range celebrities. 

Katie Hopkins

It is not okay to use gender based insults to attack that person Katie Hopkins.  Katie Hopkins is not a horrible fat sl** an ugly f***** sl** a dumb sl** and we do not hope hope that she gets r*** with a strap on.  Saying these these things is wrong and just to show how wrong they are I will say them again in case anyone thinks I actually mean the reverse which I do not.  I am very serious - so serious that I have starred out anything offensive while making it perfectly clear what it said.  Katie Hopkins is not a horrible fat sl** an ugly f***** sl** a dumb sl** and we do not hope hope that she gets r*** with a strap on.  I shall now confess my sins to Father Michael Legge. 

Nikolai Bukharin

Remember too when trying to evaulate how moral your act is that anything anyone else who likes you says or does can be held against you as evidence.  You are not just guilty for what you do but for what everyone else does in your name even if you didn't ask, advise or encorage them.  Think Nikolai Bukharin and the trial of the 21.

Our New Character

We will in future be following Nathaniel Tapley's advice that the reason Daniel O'Reilly's character "didn't work" is that he was never seen to be a loser.  Mr Miller is unpleasant and a loser and this is why he is on television and not in the back of a pub.  People immediately warm to Mr Miller's dark material because it is presented in self-depreicating manner.  They don't go round the comedy circuit saying "that Anthony Miller at Pear Shaped what a right ****".  After all who gave Mr Miller or Mr Damage the right to decide who to and not to censor at Pear Shaped?  The answer is Dorothy Parker. 
Brendan O'Neill is not and never has been a communist.  Chris Coltrane is 100% behind all of this.

Good Moaning

Charlie Hebdo

Bien que nous tenons à dire que nous sommes Charlie Hebdo nous sommes clairement pas - nous sommes en forme de poire à Fitzrovia. Comme les médias traditionnels (ou MSM car je crois qu'il se appelle maintenant) nous sommes trop lâches pour retweet ou réimprimer des images du prophète Mahomet. Ce ne est pas que nous ne sommes pas facilement amenés nous sommes juste pas complètement stupide et pensons plus que nous-mêmes. Après tout, ce ne est pas seulement nous, mais tous les comédiens à en forme de poire qui se tiennent à se sauter. Alors que nous ne sommes pas peur de se battre jusqu'à la dernière goutte de notre sang, nous sommes, comme Kerr Avon dirait, peur de se battre jusqu'à la dernière goutte du sang de tout le monde. Si vous me demandez, ils auraient pu éviter énormément de peine en ne imprimant pas leur adresse de bureau et en utilisant une boîte de bureau de poste. Ce est ce que des magazines comme "Viz" utilisés pour faire comme une précaution raisonnable contre les gens fous. Cependant, cette précision est de blâmer la victime alors je vais garder le secret. En passant, si vous pensez que ce est une mauvaise traduction française tout ce que je peux dire, ce est que Mike Sheilds mort l'année dernière nous avons donc dû se rabattre sur Google Translate.

Gerry Ryan

Gerry Ryan represents all the politicians we used to make fun of who have gone to the great satirist in the sky sometimes meaning we have lost as much as 60 seconds of old material in one go.  You can donate to his memorial fund here.

Michael McInytre

Michael McIntyre has never played the Pear Shaped but we thought we'd insert this picture of him anyway taken by Damien Everett from Southampton when his agent wasn't looking as Michael is the most googled comedian in the UK and we might pick up some traffic by accident that we completely dont deserve.  He is often compared to warm diarrhea by people who maintain that their stage persona and their real life personality and opinions are actually completely different despite the fact that they are political comedians.  Michael is now available as a Wallet, Eye Mask, Fridge Magnet, T-Shirt, Tour Programme, Calendar, Beanie Hat, Mousemat and Car Sticker and everything that would make Bill Hicks turn in the grave he smoked himself into when someone suggested to him that a comedian's function might be to sell tickets and make money ......with which to buy cigarettes to smoke yourself to death with.  Michael McIntyre does stirling work putting new standups on telly so it's only fair they all slag him off as "bland" behind his back because as most comedians who promote anyone else will tell you - no good deed goes unpunished.  After all he never does adverts or voiceovers as far as I know and has actually refused to gig for debt collectors and if we combine this is with the fact he is funnier than absolutely everyone at the Pear Shaped clearly the man is a total bastard.

Stewart Lee



Stewart is head of keeping a low profile. It is Stewart's job to keep a low profile and not have to flee the country because of death threats. Stewart has performed at Pear Shaped at Midnight at Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia because he knows that the Management of Pear Shaped are laid back and in no way social climbing and he can keep a low profile without people continually pointing at him and saying "There's Stewart Lee" or people pointing digital cameras at him or us trying to milk him for every iota of publicity we an eek out of him. One of the people in this photo might be Stewart Lee but we're not telling you which one because we're afraid of Christian Voice and are big pussies.   That's why we don't book him often. It's got nothing to do with us just not being in his league.   No not at all. That's a slander put about by Stephen Green.  Stewart's emails are notable for their exceptional brevity as whenever he says what he actually thinks in an email it goes viral on the internet and he wins an award.  Stewart recently said in The Evening Standard "It's amazing that from the smallest pub club, such as Pear Shaped in Fitzrovia to the O2, you are basically seeing the same kind of show." Indeed he is right. Both venues are extremely similar in style and presentation.  The again Robin Ince and Stewart Lee spend a lot of time trying to get Alexei Sayle out of retirement... so obviously they have a great deal of taste.   Stewart Lee also does not think Pope Benedict XVI should be granted a state visit because, as ...

Stephen Fry (& Pope Piuses XI and XII)

                                                and the Piuses


...would say the Vatican does not have an Olympic team so cant be a real State.  It is Stephen's job to slag off Catholicism for strangling the Enlightenment and make silly comments about Poland being responsible for things it is not responsible for.  Despite Pius XI's encyclical Non Abbiamo Bisogno in 1931, in which he criticized the idea of a totalitarian state and Mussolini's treatment of the Church, the encyclical "Mit brennender Sorge" condemning the Nazi ideology of racism and totalitarianism and Nazi violations.  From 1941 to 1944, Pope Pius XII and the Catholic Church were responsible for saving more Jews from Nazi persecution than any other person or institution or so they tell everyone often enough that the KGB launched a smear campaign against Pius XII with motto "Dead men cannot defend themselves".  I'm not sure who did what so I just listen to anyone with a dodgy political or theological agenda.  Then again on the other  hand  what a shame about the condoms, peados, Ann Widdicombe, Tony Blair, Islamophobia and blatant homophobia ... maybe we should give the Pope a miss now.  Like the Catholic Church, the British Humanist Association which was started in the 1930s when the Unitarian Church found it was losing customers and the Richard Dawkins Foundation for convincing other people that many professional scientists don't think he's a bit of a wally ...the Pear Shaped Comedy Club is a business and has decided to "do God" because he is good box office.  The mission of the Pear Shaped Foundation for Open Mike Acts is to support unscientific generalisations, a lack of critical thinking and non evidence-based understanding of the jokes in the quest to overcome boredom as long as it can be kept to series of 5 minute slots that are not needlessly racist, homophobic, misogynist or likely to start a fight.  While there is a cutting edge of comedy we are staying firmly at the lets not get beaten up for anyone else edge of comedy.

Stephen Hawking ( & President Barack Obama )


It is Steven Hawking's job to use God as a metaphor in order to try to explain the concept of the Grand Unified theory without the use of equations meaning his opinion on the existence or absence of God is constantly sought by atheists, religions, politicians and the media who (even though by definition an unobservable deity who exists outside of time and space would not be capable of being proven not to exist) cling to his every word in the hope it will give them a reason for belief or to dismiss belief in the suprenatural because their source of power relies on it or despite being professional Godbotherers they're actually lacking in the gift of faith themselves.

This is very trying for Stephen and means he has to be constantly interviewed on television and talked to by powerful potentates and be constantly publishing new books and presenting TV series.  He now suggests that the search for this particular Holy Grail is over, now that scientists have come up with a type of theory, known as M-theory, that may describe the behaviour of all the fundamental particles and force, and even account for the very birth of the universe.  Of course to test these theories may take some time as data produced by Large Hadron Collider as well as LHC-related simulation will produce a total data output of 15 petabytes per year ...

If you would like to help scientists process this data to understand the Universe you may be interested in joining your home or work PC to


Volunteer computing is an arrangement in which people (volunteers) provide computing resources to projects, which use the resources to do distributed computing and/or storage.  BOINC software allows you to use the idle time on your computer (Windows, Mac, or Linux) to cure diseases, study global warming, discover pulsars, and do many other types of scientific research.
It's safe, secure, and easy... 

Super Large Hadron Colliders and Very
Large Hadron Colliders are also planned for the future too to stop more theoretical physicists being laid off in the next round of public spending cuts.



God is most often conceived of as the supernatural creator and overseer of the Universe. Theologians have ascribed a variety of attributes to the many different conceptions of God. The most common among these include omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, omnibenevolence, divine simplicity, and eternal and necessary existence.  The single God who is also three persons replaced polytheistic belief systems with lots of Gods as none of these polythestic Gods could decided how to divide up their indivdual responsibilites [A bit like "Up the Arts"] and had conflicting goals and argued a lot about exactly who should be in charge of improving the weather or starting wars.  As a result of this inability to bond as a team they were all fired by Constantine and Licinius's Coalition government after The Edict of Milan in 313 AD...


So all pre-monotheistic Gods have now been consigned to the British Museum ...  which is a good thing as they argued far too much and got nothing done.  I'm sure we all remember the debacle when

Egyptian Gods drawn by Jeff Dahl, Roman Triade photgraphed by Luiclemens

Set fooled Osiris into getting into a box, which he then shut, had sealed with lead, and threw into the Nile . Osiris' wife, Isis, searched for his remains until she finally found him embedded in a tree trunk, which was holding up the roof of a palace in Byblos on the Phoenician coast. She managed to remove the coffin and open it, but Osiris was already dead. She then used a spell she had learned from her father and brought him back to life so he could impregnate her. Afterwards he died again and she hid his body in the desert. Months later, she gave birth to Horus. While she was raising him, Set was hunting one night and came across the body of Osiris. Enraged, he tore the body into fourteen pieces and scattered them throughout the land.  Isis gathered up all the parts of the body, less the phallus (which was eaten by a fish) and bandaged them together for a proper burial. The gods were impressed by the devotion of Isis and resurrected Osiris as the god of the underworld.  Only without a penis.

This section is included for the benefit of the regular party of Egyptologists who visit us from the British Museum round the corner.  I say regular but they dont come that often as they have a habit of dying in mysterious circumstances because they were meddling in things they dont understand.

Samuel Smith

Even above God and Brian Damage in the Pear Shaped pantheon are the eponymous Smith brothers - owners of the Samuel Smith's Old Brewery, popularly known as Samuel Smith's or Sam Smith's.  Samuel Smith's is an independent brewery in Tadcaster, North Yorkshire, England started by the titular Sam Smith. It is Yorkshire's oldest brewery, founded in 1758. 

The Fitzroy Tavern is a Sam Smith's pub and the beers are all produced by the Tadcaster brewery.  Brewing water for ales and stouts is still drawn from the original 85 foot well, sunk when the site was established in 1758, and the yeast used in the fermentation process is of a strain that has been used continuously since approximately 1900 - one of the oldest unchanged strains in the country. 

Prices are kept minimal by only increasing in line with alcohol duty and inflation increases. 
So please drink their beer so that they continue to let us hire their room for free ...


It's actually quite nice!

Like the publicity shy Smith brothers the Pear Shaped Comedy Club trades as an unlimited company in order to avoid the embarrassing social situtation of either Mr Damage or Mr Miller appearing by accident in the Sunday Times Rich List. 

Mind you we're leaving the Fitzroy for a refurb some time this year during which time I wouldn't go there as it is closed but they keep putting it back in time and changing their minds so at the moment we're still here.


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Steven K Amos

Mr Amos


Yes, Mr Amos has also done Pear Shaped to test material for the Edinburgh Fringe 2010 - unfortunately there was hardly anyone in that night who either spoke English or knew who he was but as one might expect Mr Amos was not phased by this and proceeded to explain to the audience that he was/is "a star".  We could claim that a lot of stars have done the Pear but if we listed them here as though they all popped by every week we may be in danger of being sued by Addison Cresswell like...

Maria Kempinska

Maria used to own the Jongleurs chain.  Which she sold to Regent Inns which went into administration and renamed its self Highlight or something as she owned the name which she has now relaunched taking over Highlight which had a shit name which was previously a better name.  Maria has visited the Pear Shaped Comedy Club in Fitzrovia to marvel at our financial acumen and ability to never go bust.  This is achieved by lowering our operating costs to near zero.  We were hoping she would successfully steal the room off us all but sadly this has not yet come to pass.    Maria is what...

Hils Jago


...Would call an Important Industry Person.  An IIP.  It is very important for a promoter to have IIPs in his/her audience to encourage open spots to do all their rubbish matertial at someone else's gig (Pear Shaped).  We have therefore listed a selection of our IIPs on this page to enourage open spots to think about doing some new stuff down the Amused Moose.  A pie chart of IIP density per gig is available on request and we are in the process of creating an IIP app for your Iphone so you can tell if there's anyone important at a gig before you do it and how much rubbish material and experimentation you can get away with on any given night.  The Hils Jago guide to social mixing it with IIPs is here. Ms Jago's other job is to run lots of comedy courses to manufacture open spots on an industrial scale for the Pear Shaped stage which is why we've given her a plug - but remember you dont need to do a course to give stand-up a try as there are a near infinte number chances available to be a poo comedian and die on your bum in comedy - particularly at the Pear.

Addison Cresswell

Mind you no one's going to be sued by Addison Cresswell any more because he died a while back.  Sometimes I think I should just go into the funeral business and be done with it.

Colin Barrow CBE

Colin Barrow

Cllr Colin Barrow was leader of the well known comedy troup known as Westminster City Council.  He left a succesful City career behind in 1996 to concentrate on public life and charitable work, while retaining a number of business interests. He lives in Central London with his wife Ana, and has two young sons.   Colin was an active member of the Conservative Party, both nationally and locally.  He describes himself as a free marketer, supporting consumer choice and localism in the delivery of public services.  Ironic then that he should've been personally responsible for the Westminster City Council flyering ban which has led to the perverse situation that there are actually more flyerers now than a year ago, but they are all from a single club that operates out of the Thistle hotel because hotels have different licences .  Licenceing law was not designed with the implementation of flyering bans in mind so it is a mark of Cllr Barrow's genius to extend its functioning into this area (usually the province of Environment Acts).   We would like to thank Cllr Barrow for making so many of our competitors go bust with his flyering ban as we are 150m outside his remit and so he has unintentionally made the Pear a lot of money.  Colin recently stood down as leader of Westminster Council due to some problems with his parking spaces...

Christopher Graham Collins

Christopher is deputy head of keeping a low profile. It is his job to be surrounded by glum Channel 4 executives and not be commented on. He has never been on stage at Pear Shaped but he has sat through a whole evening without being paid and for this he deserves commemoration.  You cannot read about the Pear Shaped Comedy Club in his autobiography ISBN 0099426870.  Christopher is a fan of Pope Benedict XVI but a bigger fan of ....

Samuel Johnson



It is Samuel Johnson's job to keep Christopher away from Popes.  Had Dr. Johnson written his own life, in conformity with the opinion which he has given, that every man's life may be best written by himself; had he employed in the preservation of his own history, that clearness of narration and elegance of language in which he has embalmed so many eminent persons, the world would probably have had the most perfect example of biography that was ever exhibited. But although he at different times, in a desultory manner, committed to writing many particulars of the progress of his mind and fortunes, he never had persevering diligence enough to form them into a regular composition. Unfortunately James Boswell was left to write the most famous single work of biographical art in the whole of literature instead.  Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language was published in 1755; it had a far-reaching effect on Modern English and has been described as "one of the greatest single achievements of scholarship."  Christopher has now taken control of the Lichfield Johnson Society taking over from the Bishop of Lichfield, the

Rt Rev Jonathan Gledhill

Jonathan Michael Gledhill (born 14 February 1949 in Windsor, Berkshire) is the 98th Bishop of Lichfield. He was enthroned in Lichfield Cathedral on 15 November 2003.  But he's never been to Pear Shaped so we're not going to tell you anything about him apart from the fact he's CofE.

Pope Formosus


Pope Formosus

Pope Formosus (c. 816 " 896)  is the Patron Saint of Open spots.  It is his job to carry on even though he has died.  After being dug up by Pope Stephen the VI, he was put on trial and found guilty... his body was finally interred in a graveyard for foreigners, only to be dug up once again, tied to weights, and cast into the Tiber River.  Undeterred by this hostile audience reaction Formosus kept gigging and rumors soon circulated that Formosus' body, after washing up on the banks of the Tiber, had begun to perform miracles. A public uprising led to Stephen being deposed and imprisoned. While in prison, in July or August of 897, Stephen was strangled.  In December 897, Pope Theodore II (897) convened a synod that annulled the Cadaver Synod, rehabilitated Formosus, and ordered that his body, which had been recovered from the Tiber, be reburied in Saint Peter's Basilica in pontifical vestments. In 898, John IX (898"900) also nullified the Cadaver Synod, convening two synods (one in Rome, one in Ravenna) which confirmed the findings of Theodore II's synod, ordered the acta of the Cadaver Synod destroyed, and prohibited any future trial of a dead person.  However, Pope Sergius III (904"911), who as bishop had taken part in the Cadaver Synod as a co-judge, overturned the rulings of Theodore II and John IX, reaffirming Formosus' conviction, and had a laudatory epitaph inscribed on the tomb of Stephen (VI) VII.  Sergius III was possibly the only pope known to have ordered the murder of another pope and the only pope thought to have fathered an illegitimate son who later became pope (John XI).  He then reportedly had the much-abused corpse of Formosus exhumed once more, tried, found guilty again, and beheaded, thus in effect conducting a second Cadaver Synod.  Which makes Pope Benedict XVI sound in comparison quite a rational and thoughtful man.

Dr Ashti Hawrami

                                                Ashti Hawrami

Dr Ashti Hawrami was appointed Kurdistan Regional Government Minister for Natural Resources in May 2006, and reappointed in the six cabinet on 28 October 2009 following the July 2009 Kurdistan Region parliamentary elections.  Before joining the KRG cabinet, Dr Hawrami held several senior oil executive positions in the private sector. Born in Suleimaniah in 1948, Dr Hawrami gained a bachelors degree in oil engineering from Baghdad University in 1971 and worked as an engineer in the Iraqi National Oil Company (INOC) in Basra from 1971 to 1974.  After moving to the UK, Dr Hawrami worked as an engineer on the North Sea in Scotland for the British National Oil Company from 1975 to 1982. In 1978 he was awarded a PhD in Reserve Oil Engineering in Scotland, and from 1982 to 1985 worked as a senior oil engineer for the company Intera in London. He was a senior engineer for an exploration consultancy from 1985 to 1988, and from 1988 to 1999 he was the proprietor and director of DUK, a limited liability UK engineering and services firm. In 1999 he became Chairman and CEO of ECL Group Plc. After retiring from ECL, he was appointed Minister of Natural Resources in 2006.  Exactly what he is doing on this page is a mystery.

Chris Ames

Is editor of the Iraq Inquiry Digest It is Chris's job to link to our back of the fag packet idiots guides to the Chilcot enquiry.  For the 3 people who are interested the articles are...  , Lor

Pear Shaped Iraq_Enquiry_Enquiry Most of the first 4 pages are brief commentary with the transcripts re-edited in Xtranormal format (the videos are also on Youtube).  For the next article we tried a different approach with a mixture of commentary, transcripts and Xtranormal animation...
MI6 goes Pear Shaped Iraq Covers SIS private evidence from MI6 officers SIS1, SIS2, SIS3,SIS4, SIS5 and SIS6 and C (Sir Richard Dearlove).  
Reconstruction goes Pear Shaped in Iraq Covers the reconstruction effort after the invasion
Kurdistan Goes Pear Shaped With Emma Sky - Emma Sky was sent to the US controlled region of Kirkuk in Kurdistan by the USA who secured her services from the British Council. 
The JIC goes Pear Shaped in Iraq - Sir John Scarlett and Julian Miller (heads of the JIC during the run up to the invasion) and Sir William Erhman and Tim Dowse (heads of of the JIC after the invasion of Iraq in 2003) discuss the actual evidence or lack of it for the claims within the two dossiers and illuminate us as the JIC intelligence QC processes in what is widely regarded as one of the most boring pages on the internet.
Defence Intelligence goes Pear Shaped - Martin Howard the head of the DIS is interviewed by the inquiry both in public and in private. This page is extremely tedious.
GCHQ goes Pear Shaped - Sir David Pepper tells us what went on at GCHQ after the war and no one tells us what went on at GCHQ in the run-up to the war
Major General Michael Laurie goes Pear Shaped - More fun from the DIS
Major General Tim Tyler goes Pear Shaped - A view of the Major General's view as Deputy Commander Iraq Survey Group and a review of Decision Points insofar as it relates to the Tony Blair/George W relationship
Disaster Points - A read of George W's Autobiography
Chilcot Stasis - Tony Blair's Autobiography

Owen D Thomas


Actually much to our surprise one person did actually read these articles Owen D Thomas of the University of Exeter who with funding from the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC) is writing some kind of paper on "acts of publicity in global politics: exemplified in events ranging from quasi-judicial, outward-looking, state-appointed public inquiries"?

The Bloomsbury Group


The Bloomsbury group was a literary group that made the Fitzroy Tavern the centre of its activities from 1904 to World War II. It included Lytton Strachey, Virginia Woolf, Leonard Woolf, E. M. Forster, Vita Sackville-West, Roger Fry, Clive Bell, Mike Manera and John Maynard Keynes. The group began as a social clique: a few recent Cambridge graduates and their closest friends would assemble on Thursday nights for drinks and conversation. Its members were committed to a rejection of what they felt were the strictures and taboos of Victorianism on religious, artistic, social, and sexual matters. They remained a fairly tight-knit group for many years; recent biographers have detailed their tangled personal relations. By the 1920s Bloomsbury's reputation as a cultural circle was fully established to the extent that its mannerisms were parodied and the Phoenix Bar opened.   Bloomsbury became a widely used term connoting an insular, snobbish aestheticism. Unique in the brilliance, variety, and output of its members, the group has remained the focus of widespread scholarly and popular interest.   It was in the very same room Pear Shaped now inhabits that Vita Sackville-West first suggested gassing poor people.

Charles Allchild

                                            Allchild & Louis

Charles Allchild was a previous proprietor of the Fitzroy Tavern (here photographed showing novelist Louis Goulding [center] round his cellars in a an uncopyrighted photo we nicked from the Jewish Museum of London).   Charlie Allchild was married to Annie, the daughter of Judah Kleinfeld, a Polish Jew who took on the management of the Fitzroy in 1919.  They eventually sold the pub following the aftermath of the Fitzroy Tavern Buggery in the toilets case.  Mr Allchild's other celebrity punters included...


from left to right in no particular order:
neglected novelist Julian McLaren Ross
(now most famous as the model for Prince Yakimov in Olivia Manning's Fortunes of War saga)
 Dylan Thomas
Albert Pierreppoint
Norman Wisdom
Fabian of the Yard
Tommy Cooper
George Orwell

 You can read more here and in The Fitzroy: Autobiography of a London Tavern - Fiber and Williams (Book Guild Ltd, London) 1985.

Charlie Chaplin



Many famous comedians started out at the Pear Including Charlie Chaplin who was so impressed with what Mr Miller could do with the spoken word that he went on to make himself famous in a silent medium.

I think that's a lot of people but I cant possibly list EVERYONE who's made an important contribution to the Pear.

So thank you to everyone else!



Mr Damage would like to make it clear that he has no knowledge whatsoever of this page or any page like it on this or any other website anywhere and that all references to people living or dead are just references which may or may not exist in the mind or minds of the author himself or herself who shall remain nameless and shameless unless named and or shamed by a victim or victims of his or her razor sharp tongue. Mr Damage is feeling extremely affable today unlike Mr Miller. On a lighter note Mr Damage would like to formally apologise to hardened Pear Shaped fans for the lack of apostrophes and inverted commas in this text. They appear to have been misappropriated by person or persons unknown.