Pear Shaped
Cinema


Directed by
David Lean



If like Julian Fellowes and Ronnie Corbett you feel that the the closure of Croydon's "intimate"* David Lean Cinema is a cultural disaster** (despite the fact it "sold no tickets")*** ...then to fill the void created by its passing (and in an attempt to move Pear Shaped into the year 2000) here are some films you may enjoy to give you a feeling of the similarly intimate atmosphere of  "the Pear".




Here we see one of the regular features of the Pear Shaped
the Roll Call - a feature Mr Damage includes to raise the moral
of the acts ...of which there are very many making the process
extremely time consuming ...



...as you can see Mr Miller is very tired and unusually sober
but after a mere 12 minutes Mr Damage has succeeded in thanking
every single person for performing personally ... if they could
be bothered to stay to the end...



Here is some footage of Stuart Black doing a short set
that he kindly agreed to allow us to upload




Mr Miller explains how watching poorly filmed Youtube films is bound to cause
a rapid increase in ticket sales and how all comedy is fundamentally anti-social.
If you would like to know more about drilling I believe you can now buy a CD
containing some of his old work for a mere £14




Mr Miller doing a set at Club with actual people in 2008




Mr Damage sings one of his amusing ditties in an attempt to make the whole
internet grind to a halt within two years under the pressure of booming demand
for silly online videos



Are you aware of the plight of the rare patagonian toothfish?
he lives on his own in the sea.




Mr Damage is a little drunk. This is remarkable as one of the few videos that Mr Damage has managed to load in High Definition.




Dave Dynamite explains the disadvantages of having David Beckham's voice





Tony Bournemouth talks about prawns a lot.




Mr Damage cheers us up with one of his catchy ditties.




Krrystal tells us of her granny
although you probably need to be logged into Youtube to see it
as it's age restricted
because of naughty words




Some highlights of Mr Damage's Australian Tour





In an unexpected outbreak of satire material
Brian & Krrystal explain the sub prime mortgage crisis





Brian and Krystal at a proper club with actual people




The late Ray Presto at the Comedy Store King Gong Show


Although these clips may not look like very much please bare in mind that trying to get funny footage of Pear Shaped that doesn't reveal anyone's sets without their permission so that their jokes can be stolen and doesn't libel anyone and is interesting enough to be watchable is like trying to film the storm scene in Ryan's daughter. A second unit had to wait sixth months before even these few short dramatic sequences appeared and a total of 60,960 m (200,000 ft) of film was shot which was eventually edited down to 229 m (750 ft).  The image is kept clear by a glass disk spinning in front of the lense. John Sharp was injured and badly shaken up while filming some of his extracts and lost his glass eye.  Al Mandalino also disliked the amount of time spent working on the project.  In his words "I don't like to be paid £500 a week for sitting down and playing Scrabble." while Jimbo commented that "Working with Anthony Miller is like constructing the Taj Mahal out of toothpicks."  For technical reasons it was not possible to film some sequences in the actual Pear Shaped Comedy Club and some sequences had to be remounted on the back lot at Pinewood with Ramón Novarro recast as Brian Damage.


*Okay with its 60 seats the Pear Shaped is not the same atmosphere as being in a real cinema or real comedy club but neither was the David Lean with its 60 seats - unless your idea of an atmosphere is an old woman saying "You can tell the snow aint real though" in the middle of Doctor Zhivago. 

**After all people really need 60 seat arts council funded cinemas when you can now buy an HD TV for less than £200 in Sainsburys and the website was designed by civil servants so simply trying to find out what was on at the David Lean was like trying to crack the enigma machine cipher - its rumoured that the only person who actually knew what was on at the David Lean was Alan Turing. 

***People forget that the Cinema only sold 50,000 tickets a year and turned over £350,000 yet still managed to accumulate a loss according to the council of £500,000 which means either running it involved employing up to 25 people at £20,000 a year or the budget was supervised Erich von Stroheim.  Of course there are many art house cinemas that make a profit with much less turnover so it's a testament to the council that they can manage to lose half the budget of a independent motion picture on something that should be self-funding....?

The Pear Shaped Cinema and the David Lean Cinema have now been merged with the Warehouse Theatre and the Croydon Clocktower to form a cultural vacuum.  Thanks to our commercial sponsor Allders.